It’s Not Fair

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Child abuse is one of the most egregious crimes that can be committed.  The child is shackled with shame and disgrace the rest of their lives.  Roman Polanski raped a 13 year old girl in the US and rather than go to jail he fled to his home country, France.  That was 30 years ago.  He is the movie director who made China Town, Rosemary’s Baby and scores of other films. He was safe in France where he continued to work and I suspect molest more young girls. Once a pedophile. always one. There is no magic cure.  Castration helps.  I think castration should be mandatory for men and I’m not sure what to do to women who molest.  And there are a lot of women molesters.  When the word molester is mentioned we automatically think of a man with tobacco juice running down his chin and wearing dirty overalls.  In California it was a beautiful 28 year old school teacher who sexually abused and killed a small girl.

There is justice. This week Polanski went to Sweden to receive an award and was arrested.  The original judge who tried him died, but another one has taken his place and he doesn’t like men who molest children.  It’s my understanding Polanski will be returned to the United States to face the music. I hope they put him away for life.

Child abuse tends to manifest its ugliness as long as the abused person lives.  I have come to the conclusion it’s rougher on men than girls. It has to do with the Macho thing. Men want to pass it off as their entrance into manhood.  Men stuff the secret deeper than women, because their fear is deeper. Men fear they will be less of a man if anyone knows their “secret’.  A secret whoever abused them told them to keep or else.  Many things are used for fear. “I’ll kill your baby sister. I’ll kill your mother.   If it’s the mother she might say, “I’ll cut your wennie off if you tell.”  Keeping the secret becomes a fulltime job.  A great deal of energy is used just keeping the secret.  Every word spoken is guarded.

I know two men who were sexually abused by their mother.  One lives in Texas and the other out west.  Both are 40ish. Each have been successful in their lives, but their self-esteem is very low. They move smoothly in life and then self destruct.   When something goes wrong they began to beat up on themselves.  They see themselves as WORTH-LESS.  Each one continues to destroy their situation when they have a good thing. They get things going well and find a way to mess it up.  One was earning serious money and purchased a house three times the size his family needed.  When the economy went into the tank, he lost the big house.    In his case his wife was also molested and she is a compulsive spender.  Both are in denial. Until they are willing to face the abuse and put it into the sunlight they will go from failure to failure and there is not anything anyone can do to help.

When you let the secret out amazing things happen. You will begin to heal.  The truth of the light will melt the abuse garbage. The plastic bag open and soon the memories dry up. Healing comes from telling the secret. No one will blame you.  NO ONE.  I know you hear those little voices, but face the truth and find healing.

The other man was a star athlete. People love him.  Yet he felt dirty all the time.  Thinking, “If they knew the real me no one would like me.”   Things were going well, he was about to marry a wonderful girl.  He couldn’t tell her no but if he married she might learn the truth.  So he vanished for ten years. Keeping the secret was the most important thing in the world to him.  His mother is  sick woman.  She molested both of her sons and I suspect her daughter.

The wonderful people who do my shipping and money collecting…she was molested as a child. Her rich father got her pregnant when she was 12. Her mother got the family doctor to do the abortion.  She and her husband have a compelling love story. One that will warm the coldest of hearts.  He helped her tell the secret and today she is one of the top female artists in America.  Go to www.senkarik.com and read Silent Scream.  You will cry. You will then be lifted to amazing heights.  I know of no one I admire more than Mikki Senkarik and her husband.  He’s a tough old guy, with a heart as soft as a powder-puff.   She is an example of what happens when the secret is revealed.

If you were abused or think you were find a friend and share what you know. You can heal. You can feel normal.  Mikki and her husband are the two happiest people I know or have ever known. She is no longer a victim. She is a survivor and you can be one as well.  It’s not easy…but it is possible.   Will Cooper <><

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