The Fix

Original Oil Portrait by Will Cooper

A lot of you sweet women rag me out for my bad eating habits. Okay, I understand baloney and mustard sandwiches might not be considered health food, but there is no way you are going to get me to eat tofu and celery sticks.  So to pacify some of you ladies who are radical about what I eat I decided to go healthy last night and drove into the local Dairy Queen.  I had a juicy burger, salty  fries and big milk shake.  Before you jump my bones, this has to be a step up from baloney…right?

As I entered the cafe I spotted my old rancher friend and his buddies back at the corner table.  In truth, that is their table, I swear they have it rented.  The old rancher had not been with the group the last couple of times I visited.  He had a hip replacement. Told me he was trying to get it all fixed before Obama’s health care bill went into effect. I got my grub and joined them. I feel at home with these old guys, none of them had a cell phone.

My old friend asked me what I thought of the Miss USA contest.  I told him that I had not taken the time to learn much about the event. I never watch Miss America, Miss USA or Miss World. The girls are barely out of their teens and toothpick thin. I did see the clip on the winner and runner-up. So I begged off an answer.

He was pretty animated, “Will, that was fixed, just like it was last year.  Last year that fag asked Carry Prejeaan about gay marriage. He knew she was a conservative Christian and would not favor men marrying men and dykes marrying dykes. Carry was asked a loaded question, because the event is rigged.  This week the girl from Oklahoma, Morgan Woodlard was asked an impossible question.  She won the two stages before, but the Miss USA pageant wanted to be politically correct and give the title to a Muslim.”

I put my burger down and listened. Most of the time the old rancher holds court, but yesterday a bald guy in overalls chimed in, “Will, Morgan pulled the name from the bowl and handed it to the moderator. How do we know the name was the one they called to ask her the loaded question?  They called the name of the one Mexican on the board of judges and it was clear where he was going. The whole thing was fixed from the git-go.’

I grunted as if I knew what he was talking about.

The old rancher grabbed the reins once more. “That’s right, no one could answer the Arizona Law on wetbacks without it being controversial. We all agree the vote was fixed. Reminds me of Mississippi when the government was trying to let blacks vote. Mississippi agreed if the black person could pass a written test, they had to be able to sign their name.  When they blacks got to the polls they were handed a ball point pen and a sheet of wax paper.  Of course the pen would not write on the wax. One of the poll judges asked an old black man as he was trying to write his name if there was a problem. The old black answered, “No mam, it sazzs no blacks ever goin’ to vote in Meridian County.”  He knew the thing was fixed.

I agree with the old men, Miss Oklahoma was the best choice, but she ran into political correctness and had to yield to Rima Farin, a Muslim. I have one question. Aren’t Muslim women forbidden from dressing like Rima? Where was her burka? (I’m not sure on the spelling). If she lived in Yemen, Iran, Arabia and other Muslim countries she would have been stoned to death. The contest was probably fixed, but this is what you can expect in Obama’s world.     email: willcooper@senkarik.com

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